What If I Feel That I Have Little Control over My Life?
You lost your sense of control over your well-being when you were diagnosed with cancer. Throughout your treatment the only real control you had over your health was choosing to follow your treatment team’s schedule and demands. Now that treatment is done, you are in the never-never land of “wait and see.” Just as you could not protect yourself from your cancer when you were diagnosed, you cannot guarantee that you will be free of medical problems in the future.
Normal, everyday events that represent lack of control can be blown up out of proportion because of an underlying sensitivity to things you cannot control. Everyone deals with car breakdowns, leaky faucets, missed appointments, delayed flights, or sprained ankles. During recovery from cancer treatment, these ordinary setbacks can take on greater emotional meaning, because they tap into sensitivity about not having control. Your frustration at your lack of control over a delayed flight can unleash your frustration at your inability to have complete control over your cancer. In addition, you may have fewer reserves for dealing with problems and inconveniences. When you are well rested, you can clean up an overflowed sink and still have energy left over. When you are fatigued, the job may deplete your remaining energy.
When little setbacks occur because of treatment-related handicaps, your reaction may be exaggerated. Overflowing your bathtub or being late picking up your child from school is upsetting enough. You may feel worse when these things happen because you fell asleep from exhaustion.
If I Feel That Everything Is Out of Control, How Can I Regain a Sense of Control?
You have a certain need to control things in your life. Some people want and need the sense of a lot of control; others do not have as strong a need. You can regain a healthy sense of control by
• recognizing when you are associating lack of control over something minor with lack of control
over your health
• limiting your commitments until you have the reserves to handle them all
• reminding yourself that minor problems are minor (you know what major problems are; draw
attention to the insignificance of minor hassles)
The serenity prayer provides comfort and guidance when dealing with issues of control.
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